I Need You
by LiliaRoxbury
Summary: Kagome is an assassain hired to kill Inuyasha. This is her inner reflection about him and her inner war about getting the job done. One-Shot InuKag


_I obviously do not own these characters. Here we go..._

He was so beautiful...that's the only word I think I can use. Beautiful. I watched him for the upteenth time as he slept. Silver locks strewn across the black pillows, pale marble skin streched over sinew muscles. He layed completely as ease on his back, arms over his head. The black sheet had slipped down to hips, the contures of his godly body all out for my hungry eyes to see. I memorized every line, every shadow of him. He was so beautiful, so much that it hurt.

I battled with myself over these past months. Torn between my job and my will. Naraku wanted him dead. In the beginning I hadn't cared to know why, but as I got to know him I finally understood. He was one of the two sons of Inutaisho, a prominent fingure in today's politcal world. Naraku wanted me to kill Inutaisho's son, in order to set up Inutaisho to look like he had dealings in the black market globally. I was owned by Naraku. I did his bidding without question because I wasn't allowed to question it. So, this job, to kill someone, was no surprise.

I'll never forget when I met Inuyasha. The plan was for me to worm my way into his life so when I did eventually kill him none of the fingers would get pointed to me. Plan was that during the mourning period I'd play my part of the greiving girlfriend. But everything to me now is a 'plan was'. Nothing had played out as I expected.

When I first met Inuyasha he was at some galla event for his father. He and his brother, so alike in appearence, but so different in demeanors. Sesshoumaru was carved from marble stone, his gold eyes a peircing dagger, a stoic face, an elegant creature in control of everything he was. Inuyasha was different. He too was beautful, just as his elder brother, but Inuyasha was everything people wished they could stand for. His silver mane of hair a large sign of the animal inside, his eyes open and wide. A pure form of animalistic freedom. He grinned easily and his quick temper was amusing to eye. He was a creation fromt he gods of freedom, the feeling when you close your eyes and fall, embodied into a bodily form. Inuyasha was...Inuyasha.

That was about 10 months ago. I don't even know how I had caught the eye of this...god reincarnate. He made me laugh. Real laughs. Not the ones I had practiced as to assimliate the real thing. His freedom of expressions that played across his face when he was confussed or embarassed could seriously make my day. And on the rare occasions when he was sweet, just simple words word make my entire being pool at his feet.

I grinned to myself in the dark, my fingertips tracing the line of his jaw, trailing over his neck to the slow and steady moving chest. I loved when he was sweet, but to my own sadistic pleasure my favortie emotion he often animated was possession. I loved it when his arm would tighten around my waist when we both would be speaking to mutal male friends. Or when he kissed me the and the small nips on my lips that demanded I open for him. Not to metion the ways he looked at me and whispered in my ear that I "belonged to him" causing shivers to run down my back. Some would call me crazy.

My grin quickly faded as my eyes slid to the bright red light of the digital clack on his nightstand...11:29. Once it hit midnight, it would be 11 months since I'd been with him. I chewed my lip as my eyes went back to his calm face, i layed my head back down on the pillow still looking at him. I willed the tears not to fall. I watched the steady rise and fall of his chest and tried to imagine myself putting a dagger right in his heart. I cringed at the thought of the belated stuttered feeling of the dagger as I'd cut through his ribs and the wet pooling of blood seeping into my clothes.

I wrapped my arm around his torso. Almost clinging onto him trying to will away the images. He felt my body move and inturn rolled to his side, his arm insinctivly going around my waist pulling me flush against his body. Pulling me into this secluded warmth. His hair cascaded over his shoulder, cutting of the rest of world, making our own little eden. He was still asleep as he nuzzled into my neck. He had told me that he loved that place of my body, because the only thing there was my warmth and scent. He had said that those were two things he never wanted to live without. I heard him murmur my name against my neck, his lips tickling the senstive area.

I closed my eyes, squeezing him tighter to me, my hand tangling in his mess of hair to hold him to me. I never wanted to lose him. I couldn't bear it if he died, especially if by my own hands. I realized with no doubt...I needed him, but I had to kill him. If i didn't do it, then someone else would come along on Naraku's orders and do it, and I couldn't bear the thought of that even more. I slipped from his warm grasp, his forehead crinkling in the loss of heat making him look more adorable then ever. I shook my head and wrapped my arms around my middle...I had to keep myself together if I was going to do this.

I retreived my dagger from the top of the closet. I knew he'd hear me shuffling around, his playful ears twitching at every sound, so I knew he'd be half awake and half asleep when I returned. When I walked back into the room the rythmn of his breathing had changed and his eyes flickered underneath the lids, his discontent severly apparent. I shivered at the chill that seeped into my body. I trembled at the thought of what i was about to do...a sudden numbation overcame my mind, and steadied my body. I knew one thing...I must do it.

I walked around to his side of the large bed, his legs twisted int he black sheet, his pale and beatuful body tangled deliciously in the silk. He had rolled back onto his back, his chest rising and falling toward the ceiling. I looked at the sculpted form. So pale...so flawless. Flashes of imagined images spurred across my eyes. The pale body no longer warm, covered in smears of red, those beautful locks stained...I shook my head to shake aware the nightmared thoughts...they were diminishing my resolve. I had to do this quickly.

I crawled onto the bed on top of him, straddling his hips. His hand unconsicously came to rest on my thigh and, surprisingly instead of waking up, his breathing returned to that of a deep slumber. As if he was comforted by my mere presence and touch. I put my hand on his chest, the feeling of smooth skin and heat sending shocks of electricy through my arm. I raised the dagger above my head ready to strike. I could faintly feel the tears running freely now. I sat atop him frozen in place, my mind completely blank...the only thought running through was _I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him..._

Either the lack of a my sleeping form, or the fierce trembling of my body, or something unexplained in this world made him stir awake. A small whimper coming from his throat as his eyes slowly slid open. That single moment as his eyes opened seemed to take years. His bright gold met my blue. I knew my face would be contorted in an inner pain. My mouth torn in a pained grimace as tears fell down my cheeks that splattered noislessly onto his chest.

He just looked at me. Not moving, not saying anything. My whole body was shaking with what I realized were silent sobs. The dagger swaying dangerously above my head as I stayed ready to strike, the hand on his chest fisted as I fought with myself...I needed to do this...

Didnt I?

He hadn't moved at all. His eyes didn't even reveal a single thought in his head as they noramlly did. I felt his hand move, as if I was seard by a hot pan, move slowly up my thigh and his arm went around my waist as he calmly sat up. His chest was pressed against mine, his eyes bore into mine, and my arm was stilled raised cluthing a dagger as my knuckles turned white. He put his forehead at the base of my throat, his hair falling over his shoulders in a beautiful wave, his ears plastered against his head.

"I love you." He whispered. Barely loud enough for my human years to catch. And I could feel the light brush of his lips on my skin. That was all he said. There was no begging, or demands for explainations. I shook against him, tears burning my face with salty heat.

With a sudden surge of strong hatred I flung the danger across the room, and shoving myself off him, curling into myself at the base of the bed sobbing. I couldn't do it. I needed him. I couldn't handle the thought of him being dead. Naraku would come for him, and me. I knew it, I knew that truth deep down into the bones of my body. But I couldn't do it. I could never do it. I loved him.

I felt myself moving and looked up through teary eyes that Inuyasha was cradling me into his chest, murmuring a quiet 'shhh it'll be alright' into my ear. I clung to him.

"I'm sorry. I'm-I'm so sorry...Pl-please forgive me." I begged through hiccups, as hot tears spilled anew down my face. His clawed fingers tilted my chin upwards, and his tongue flicked out licking one of the teardrops away, and he kissed my cheek, my nose...his lips brushed over my closed eyes.

"Kagome, look at me. Please?"

I opened my eyes slwoly, they felt heavy and dry, as if I had no more tears to give. He looked at me, his gold eyes smoldering and strong.

"I. Love. You." He said each word, seperate and concise. "I need you, Kagome. I need so much...I...I can't even handle the thought of not having you." He buried his nose in the crook of my neck.

"Of course I forgive you, even though I'm not even angry. I need you here...I need you to stay."

I choked up again. The lump in my throat to large to get even one word in. I needed him. I loved him...and somehow...he needed me too. With a burst of need I pulled his to mine, hungry to taste him. His lips pressed hard and warm and soft against mine, he clutched my body to mine as my nails dug into shoulders. As if we both were afraid to let the other go...

The sun began to rise, and both layed back down. Still clinnging, still clutched to eachothers bodies. I wasn't afraid to let go. I just knew I wasnt going to, and I knew he wasnt either.

_Review Please. Thanks._


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